and, I wonder, how can I possibly write more about this journey, that life has managed to turn upside down once more . . . ?

Gilda Radner was one of my favourite comedians, she could make anything funny.

I saw a video clip where she was listing off her symptoms. It was a brilliant list of my current side effects and it was good to laugh . . .

Each day that I took the immunotherapy pill, there was a little less of me and more side effects. Eventually, we stopped the drug.

Now, almost three weeks later I am back in the studio moving through a lovely pile of work that has stopped and started over these many months.

Removing my usual indecision and realizing my new sense of urgency, I am working with more freedom: effective and liberating.

An intensity rising.

Each day I last a little longer in the world I love to be swallowed by.

I have broken out the gold leaf and leafed until I have no supplies left …

There are large scale swans flying and rolling across the studio floor. Wheels or wings with gilding and a flying or floating golden fish . . .

So many heads just waiting for their stories (and other parts), some have become “head pieces” charming and complete just as they are.

We have shows coming up in July and I am making headway (haha)

We are going to try the immunotherapy drug once more at half the dose and see if my body will tolerate it.

I know I could find myself back in a familiar place and that I am agreeing to it.

I do not want to find myself looking back and wishing I had tried.

I will not knowingly create regrets. I will not live half alive either.

Dreaming of the ocean meeting my toes and I laugh.

One more round to come, then I am mine.

“Some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity . . .” Gilda Radner~

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